Mental Health Corner: Talking About Your Depression With Loved Ones

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Mental illness can be a very isolating thing to deal with, especially depression. It can force you to retreat into yourself and block everyone else out. This isn’t even intentional sometimes. You have to make an effort to include those around you in what you’re going through, even if it’s just to make it easier for you(no this is not selfish). Letting those around you know what you’re dealing with also helps them not feel as though they’ve wronged you in some way.

So, how do you start that conversation? It’s awkward and revealing and uncomfortable to discuss your mental health. However, if it is something you think will help your relationship with a loved one, there are things you can say.

What Exactly Is Depression?

Begin by explaining exactly what you are going through. Explain that depression is not a choice or something that can be changed by positive thinking. Depression is thought to be caused by a combination of genetic, environmental and psychological factors. It is defined by being long term, so it isn’t going to go away immediately. Finally, that depression can come and go. If you seem happy one week that doesn’t negate your earlier depression or mean you weren’t really depressed.

I’m Depressed, Not Sad

Let them know that depression IS NOT sadness. Sadness is the normal, temporary reaction to daily life situations. Depression can occur without a stimulus. Depression takes away your desires to do the most basic tasks, even things you enjoy doing. It also can manifest into physical symptoms and no they are not in your head. It can cause unexplained pain, overreaction, and even psychosis. This is not the same as being sad.

Don’t Patronize Me

There are people that claim not to believe in depression and that it is just a matter of a change in mindset. That’s fine for them. However, let them know that if they feel that way they can keep that opinion to themselves. You don’t need your illness to be legitimized by non-medical professionals. Nor do you need to be patronized. Your illness is real, and when you’re having a down day you aren’t asking to be pitied or coddled. You don’t need to be treated like fine china. However, you also need them to respect your illness and not expect your mood to change just because they desire it to be so.

You don’t need to be defined by your mental illness. Bringing it up constantly, making it the center of attention, patronizing you is not helpful. If they don’t want to be helpful they can be silent. If they want to be realistic, accept it, help in a way you’re comfortable with and move on.

How You Can Help Me

Tell them how you would like to be helped or if you want help at all. My husband knows when I am having a really down day( which is rare these days! Thank you science drugs!) to just let me be for the most part. I like a nice snuggle, sometimes a good cry but after that, I would like to either be left alone or just get back to my day. Let your loved one know whats good for you when you’re having a down day.

These can be applied to any mental illness. Including those you love can be extremely helpful in coping with the day-to-day. If you have something you would like to explain to your family, use these steps and just feel it your personal information. Explain what it is, negate any misconceptions, remind them that you’re human not a broken toy, and let them know how they can help.

Letting those around you in can be extremely therapeutic and help with the smallest of things. If you decide to do so, I wish you the best of luck. If you believe your family or friends aren’t the support you need, you can always reach out to those you’ve connected with on social media. Including me!

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