What I’ve Learned : Age 25

So, I turn 25 in a few days, on the 24th of October to be exact. People keep telling me that it’s a big birthday, a milestone. Honestly, it just doesn’t feel like anything major, but I will have to say, looking back I do feel as though I’ve had a major shift in terms of my outlook on many things. With time comes experience and with experience come clarity. I don’t have all the answers, but I am seeing that my opinions, beliefs and thought process are growing along with me. Things seem much more concrete at 25 than they did at 15. I can’t wait to see what other life lessons come as time passes, but in the meantime, I thought I would reflect on 5 major life lesson that I’ve come to appreciate over the years.

My Favorite Life Lessons So Far…

On Happiness

People can tell you how they found their happiness, but everyone’s journey is their own. You just have to figure it out. The things about happiness is that it’s wholly unique to you. What satisfies me, isn’t the same for you. Some of the things may overlap, but my happiness won’t be your happiness. So, telling you how I found my happiness is insightful, but at the end of the day, you have to travel that journey for yourself. So, how do you find your happiness? Explore. Come across something that piques your interest, give it a go. See that doing something doesn’t give you the feeling you thought it would, stop.

On Friends

Not all friends will fit all criteria. Some friends are there for specific roles. We’re brought up to think that you’re meant to have a few really good, whole friends. You may have a few, or maybe just one, friends who can be there for it all. But, don’t get discouraged if you have a movie-going friend, a wine night friend, and a concert friend. There isn’t a formula or a wrong way, as long as you’re a good person and so are they. Sometimes your wine friend is your movie-going friend, sometimes these roles change. You make the rules.

Don’t consider someone a ‘bad’ friend if they aren’t the person whose shoulder you can cry on, but you can drink with. Especially, if you haven’t expressed that you want them to try and be that person. People can only do as much as you allow them, sometimes this means speaking up about what you want because ultimately a friendship is a relationship and relationships work because of communication.

On Your Beliefs

It’s okay to stand strong in your beliefs and be outwardly proud. It is also okay to be cautious as to who you express those beliefs to. It is also okay to not hide but not be explicit if you’re considering the feelings of other people you care for. If you believe in something, whether it’s your religion or who you love, it’s okay to be proud of that. It is also okay to not be open or vocal about it. If your beliefs are not harmful or hurtful, you can be as outward, or not, as you feel. Sometimes, people are more comfortable keeping those facets of their life private, that is okay! Other times people have to consider the effect of publicizing their beliefs will have on those that they love and choose accordingly, this is also ok. Choosing to be less vocal about something doesn’t make you less of a believer or practitioner. If you choose to express your beliefs in accordance to how it affects others, it doesn’t lessen that belief. Choosing to be out and proud and vocal doesn’t cheapen or undermine your feelings either.

Whatever your way of expressing your beliefs, do what fits you. There are several things that I am quite proud of and stand steadfast in what I believe about them. However, those beliefs aren’t necessarily the beliefs of others around me. So, I decided long ago to not be as vocal as I had been in the past around those individuals. Not because I am ashamed but because me being vocal could negatively affect someone I love deeply. To me, that is a fair compromise.

On Mental Health

It’s okay to not be okay. Growing up as a lower-class black child, you often get the impression that it’s not okay to not be okay, even if it’s not stated explicitly. It’s not that my family or families like mine didn’t want to acknowledge the problem, but when you are trying to stay afloat, you have to prioritize issues. Because of this, lower-class families or struggling families, often have to attend to certain things in order to make it through the day-to-day. When you come from such an oppressed situation, mental health takes a back seat to simply surviving.

Whatever your circumstance, if you feel you don’t have the right to be sick, depressed, anxious, etc, you’re wrong. I am here to tell you that it is okay, to not be okay. You may not be able to talk to your family about it, but seek out help or someone to listen because mental health is a part of surviving. In reality, it’s a major part of surviving. It’s damn near impossible to focus on daily life, eating, surviving, etc, when you’re drowning in your own world with no hand to reach out to. So take care of you. You aren’t broken, you aren’t worthless, you just need a helping hand.

On Life

Your people will find you. Travel your path, stay true to what you desire and believe and your people will find you. Don’t be afraid of losing friends and connections, your people will find you. Don’t be afraid of being alone sometimes, the better you know yourself the better you will know your people when they show up.

I have learned so much more but those are the ones resonating with me currently. So, here’s to 25 and growth!